sayonara solitia
by easa
Summary: what the title says. Nuriko thinks he'll live and die alone... Not knowing what love really is, until Tasuki help him open his eyes.
1. Weakness

_a/n: Hello to everyone again! Man, I've been in hibernation for too long that I feel so rusty... hehehe... Pardon me fellow writers and readers. Note to people who are waiting patiently for the next chapters of "A Cinderella Story": Some bad things came up that prevented me from updating and what freaked me up most was when the whole "FINISHED" version was deleted! I'm sorry... please bear with me as I try to rewrite it!_

_Warning: Shini doesn't own anything... It all belongs to Yuu Watase, you hear! So no flames or I swear you'll get more than flames back... evil laugh can be heard Also slight OOC-ness._

_Pairing: Tasuki x Nuriko, Tamahome x Miaka _

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**_Sayonara Solitia_**

Chapter One:

_Weakness_

I burry my head in my pillow, tears freely flowing down the sides of my face. How long was I to keep up this fake and useless facade? How long will I act the joyous mask I force myself to make each day that even my heart can't bear no longer? When will he be able to just look at me twice? When?

I moan in anguish, his face flashing through my mind. It pains me to know how much I love him and how less he loves me. I realize his love for the Suzaku no Miko and his love for me as a fellow seishi and as part of his harem.

And what hurts me most is that whenever I feel of blaming all this to the ignorant girl who came in this world, unknowingly accepting the responsibility of being the priestess without thinking of its consequences, I can't bring myself to hate her. To hate her for taking his mind out of anything else as she pass by, for taking away all my chances to obtain the emperor's affections, for taking his love I craved so much away from me.

I scream again in both pain and anger. Who can I blame for all this? I can only hate myself... Hate myself for being what I was. A freak that nobody loves, that everyone will soon forget.

Tears of heartbreak and self-hatred continue to fall freely and I close my eyes tightly wishing they stop. I hate this feeling, the same feeling that coursed down through my veins as I watch the carriage came closer to my sister, the one that overcame my senses as I watch the emperor wrap himself around our miko. This feeling of unimportance and uselessness.

_This feeling of being weak._

I slowly open my eyes, not knowing of what to do or how to act. I force myself to move feeling how numb and sore my body was as tremors easily rock my lithe frame. I made my way to my line of clothing, intending on packing up my things and to leave everything behind.

_My identity, my life, my home, my responsibility, my troubles, my friends, my family, my love_

I had just taken a few steps, when I notice movement in the opposite side of my chamber. And to my surprise I was looking at a monster.

Its hair unruly- sticking on all its sides, its skin- deathly pale in the moon's light, its eyes bloodshot looking at him with its mouth agape almost looking shock on what it saw.

_And to my horror... I was looking at myself... I was looking at my own reflection!_

A scream of rage pass through my sore and dry throat. A scream combined with horror, anger, surprise and fear that must've echoed through the palace in the dead silence of the night. I rush to the mirror, slamming my fist into it and it breaks almost instantly, the shards graze at my skin because of the force I had applied.

I kneel down, sobbing through the floor. I am so fucked up, my mind is hazy as I cry my sorrow. I didn't care if I was bleeding, didn't care if anyone heard me. Why else would they care for someone- for a freak like me?

I didn't notice another presence that made its way through my chamber until I felt someone grab my shoulders tightly. I open my teary eyes focusing my blurry eyesight to my captor.

_A flash of red._

Tasuki. Tasuki is here, shaking me and yelling about some things I can't hear. My heart is throbbing too fast and too hard that I'm sure enough that Tasuki could here it too.

I stare at him, my eyes threatening to close from exhaustion, yet I force them to stay open. I feet guilt as I stare in your face. It etched worry, affection, terror, scared and sadness at the same time. I try to smile hoping to relieve you from those feelings. Even in dying was I a burden.

I feel myself weaken, I want to push away from him and hide the shame that I truly was, the last thing I could never bear is to see Tasuki disgust in what I am.

I feel my vision blur, I notice Tasuki yelling but I couldn't hear him. I felt water fall down my face and looking up, I saw Tasuki was crying, muttering some words. I focus my eyes on his lips trying to decipher what he was saying.

I feel his arms circling around me, pulling me to his chest as he rock slowly like a child in search of comfort. "I feel so cold Tasuki-chan." I say to him, closing my eyes before blackness took over me and I fall limp in his arms.

_"Don't leave me..."_

Those were the words he said...


	2. Pain

a/n: Piiiipam! Hi you guys! I want to thank those people who reviewed and read my story. Honestly I thought the OOC-ness was pretty bad... Although I had to do it so it'll fit perfectly in the given situation. I never meant that Nuri-chan was a coward to escape his troubles behind, trust me... Nuri won't like that part! Hehehe... Again, thank you and hope you continue reading more. 

Warning: Shini doesn't own anything... It all belongs to Yuu Watase you hear!? So no flames or I swear you'll get more than flames back... evil laugh can be heard

**Sayonara Solitia**

Chapter Two:

_Pain_

I cover my face with my hands hoping that they will somehow hide the tears that started flowing in my face. I was sitting on one corner, opposite to the door of Mitsukake's chamber. I just couldn't believe it... How could he? He almost... He tried killing himself and I wasn't there to stop him...

_Suzaku, why on earth does this happen to me?_

It was a few hours before dawn and I was resting in my cushions soundly when I started feeling sick in my stomach that must've awakened me in my slumber. Thinking it was just the food that Miaka had prepared last night, I tried my best to ignore it.

_How can I be so stupid!? God! The signs where there and I fuckin' ignored it!_

A few hours later, the uneasiness seemed to worsen because of my ignorance and I started feeling nauseous. I groaned as my head started throbbing in pain as though thousand of needles were striking my head al at the same time.

I vaguely remembered not drinking that night, and knowing the pain won't go away if I ignore it any longer. I threw off the covers feeling the cool air envelop my body. I stood up and frowned as I fell from the bed as soon as I exerted force in my knees.

When I redeemed myself ready enough, I took hold of one of the posts of my bed to support myself. Steadying my stance, I took a few minor steps and was glad to have accomplished said task. Convinced that I wasn't drunk, since I couldn't walk let alone stand and think rationally, I walked out of the door.

_Shit... Nuriko...Please..._

I didn't know why but I found myself standing in one of Nuriko's favorite places. The patio that showed a perfect view of the lake that flowed in the middle of the city. The sky was crimson in color indicating the rise of the sun.

I breathed deeply smiling as the thought of the other seishi came to my mind.

Nuriko... She was the reason why he stayed with the Suzaku no miko and the other seishis up until now. It was deranged... The leader of Kounan's most notorious bandits staying in the palace of the emperor, not in jail to be persecuted but in one of the palace's luxurious rooms for guests.

Closing his eyes, he pictured Nuriko in his mind. His long braided hair that move in grace as he walk by. His sweet alluring purple eyes that Tasuki can't help but stare in wonderment. Her white porcelain skin that glowed under the moonlight. His lithe frame showed his body's curves making him appear feminine.

I flushed thinking about him and the feelings I had repressed the day I met him. I grinned, I bet I sound so mushy now... I hate being a hopeless romantic...

Suddenly I felt something struck me. I quickly looked around, looking for any foes lurking around the palace. I gripped my chest hard in the part where my heart was. God! There it was again, as if lightning struck me and my heart throbbed painfully in my chest.

My eyes widened, and I diverted my eyes in the room- three rooms farther than mine. It was... Nuriko's room...

_Don't leave me... Nuriko..._

My breathing hitched as I stared in his door as if quite drawn to what was happening inside. I manage to reach his door without so much as to stumble and reaching for the door knob, I felt my heart quicken its pace.

_No! You can't die you...You idiot! Not before I get a chance to confess to you what I feel!_

A crash...

A scream...

A moan...


	3. Regret

_a/n: Piiiipam! Sorry if the third chapter took so long. I was busy with other things and was easily distracted from continuing this story. Again, sorry to those who waited for this chapter especially since I ended the last one with a cliffhanger... I'm so sorry!_

I would like to thank:

**Shinyaa** - Thank you for your ideas and don't worry, Nuri will be saved!

**DPFYLUVR** - Hehehe... Sorry about the cliffies Please update Tasuki's 'Girlfriend' soon!

**Kristall **- Thanks and I'm so sorry it took so long...

**Ai-Kusabana **- You're my longest reviewer! Haha... And yes I agree that every person has the right to love and be loved in return... Nuri's gonna find that out pretty soon XD

_Warning: Shini doesn't own anything... It all belongs to Yuu Watase you hear!? So no flames or I swear you'll get more than flames back... -evil laugh can be heard- OOC-ness of Tasuki and Nuriko..._

**Sayonara Solitia**

Chapter Three:

_Regret_

**Tasuki's POV**

I feel myself shake to the core as I try ignoring the tiredness of my body not to mention the cold. I've been sitting here for a couple of hours now for I lost count during the fifth hour. I close my eyes, sore they were from the crying I did earlier.

I lean my head on my arms feeling the coldness of my flesh sipping through, cooling my eyes. I tried reaching Nuriko's chi earlier and cried new fresh tears as I barely felt his power and presence even if I was just across from the chamber he resided in.

I don't know why the others haven't felt it yet. I thought whenever one of the seishi's was in trouble, the others would be able to feel it but nobody not even Chichiri had come to even question what was happening inside Mitsukake's chamber.

_"As if something is blocking them from knowing... Something... Someone..."_

I murmur to myself until realization sunk in. If Nuriko wanted to kill himself then he would make sure no one would be able to stop him right? Then, maybe it was he who blocked his connection to the other seishi's as well as to the miko herself.

_But why was I able to feel it?_

I tuck my head, holding my knees tighter to myself. My mind is flowing up with questions I fear I have no answers to. I could still sense Mitsukake's power and I start to question why he is taking too slow in healing Nuriko. Surely it is easier for him to heal a person wounded a few minutes before being brought up to him right?

_Why is it taking too long dammit!_

Just after the thought pass my head however, I feel Mitsukake's chi lowering down until I am not able to sense it any longer. I lift my head and quickly stood up, hissing as my body quickly complained as soon as I exert force to my knees.

I lean to the wall for leverage as my knees wobbled, threatening me to fall. I watch as Mitsukake open the door and give me a sad smile.

I feel my eyes narrow and feel new tears forming, blurring my vision of the man. I couldn't feel anything and I became numb about everything.

I don't remember Mitsukake helping me up and supporting me until I see Nuriko lying peacefully in the bed. I feel pain so strong hit me in the chest and I gasp loosening my hold of the taller man. My body couldn't take the pressure and I fall to my knees sobbing hard.

_Nuriko... You look so peaceful... Like you're just sleeping... Please don't do this... Don't leave..._

"I've healed his wounds and he has recovered from his blood loss but he's... He's giving up... He doesn't want to be save Tasuki. He doesn't want to wake up..." I hear Mitsukake say and from the tone of his voice I know he's crying.

_And I feel myself crying as well..._

"NO! No he's not! Nuriko dammit wake up! Stop being selfish and wake up! Dammit wake up!" I shout knowing he is able to hear me. I could still feel him even if he's weak... I could still...

_Please... Please wake up..._

**Nuriko's POV**

I felt cold... That was the last thing I remember feeling. Even in Tasuki's embrace, I still felt cold… I quickly open my eyes as I remember seeing the bandit the last time.

_Tasuki! He was here! He held me... He said... He said..._

All I see is darkness. There was no sign of the fire bandit anywhere. Where was he? He said something to me... Something important... Why couldn't I remember it? Where was I? I remember seeing Tasuki and...

_Tasuki... Tasuki was crying..._

My eyes widen at the memory. Tasuki was cradling me, he was crying... Saying some things I couldn't hear. Self-hatred quickly corrupts my soul. I made Tasuki cry.

I didn't want anyone to feel pain because of me. Wasn't that the reason I gave up? Because I knew I will only continue bringing pain and misery to the ones I love- to the ones I care the most.

_No one will miss me... They'll all forget about me... Wasn't that the point?_

To my surprise, I didn't know... I didn't know the reasons that forced me to such actions. I couldn't remember anything or was it even worth to remember? I still didn't know and it frightened me to not know anything at all.

I look around me... Nothing... It was as if I was swallowed by darkness itself, nothing to find, nothing to be found and somehow- for some reason, that saddened me a lot.

_I am alone. No one will find me... No one will want to find me..._

I feel tears flow down my face and surprised, I lift my hand and wipe it away. I started walking, I didn't know why and I didn't know if I was even getting somewhere since everything was just plainly pitch black yet there was only one thing that occupied my thought that time...

_Everywhere is better... Better than being here..._

I walk for minutes, hours, miles, meters... I didn't know and I didn't care... All I wanted... All I was searching for... Is some light...

"Ryuuen... Onii-chan..." A voice echo around me and I stop, looking everywhere just to know where the voice came from. But I see nothing. I… It scares me, that voice is vaguely familiar yet I don't know why.

"Onii-chan..." I hear it again and I break into a run, trying to get away. I don't know why it scares me but I figure to rely on my feelings and start running, trying to get away from the voice that knew me so well...

I stop as soon as the voice fades away. It seems that whoever is calling me is far from where I now stand and I resumed walking, not once looking back... But somehow... I find myself looking back...

_And I saw her_

A little girl dressed in small brightly colored clothing. Her hair, tied in the middle of her head, adorned her face. She was holding a pink-colored ball. Her smile was warm and she awfully looked familiar...

_"Kourin..."_

I whisper feeling more tears flowing down my face. She smile at me and made her way until she is a few meters away from me. She tilts her head and smiles at me as she extends her hands offering me the colored ball.

I kneel in front of her and extend my hand as well, taking the ball from her little hands. She grins at me and I feel myself grinning back. The comparison between us is clearly shown.

She hug me, wrapping her small arms around my neck and I wrap mine around her small frame, letting go of the ball. I cry as I hear her words in my ear...

_"I miss you too onii-chan."_

I smile at her words, "I'm here now Kourin... I'm never letting you go..." I say to her hearing my voice breaking but she pushes back, shaking her head.

"Onii-chan, you shouldn't be here... You belong with them... To him..." She said and she turns around picking up her little ball. I look at her, confusion clearly seen in my face and she laughs.

She shows me her ball and I gasp seeing the ball glow right before me, and it shows me a picture. It is the same picture Miaka had taken before we took sail for the Shinzahou. It was a picture of all of them...

I look up at Kourin searching her eyes. The ball glowed again and I divert my attention to it. My eyes widen at the scene it shows. It was Tasuki shaking and yelling at me. I see Nuriko staring at him tiredly and smiling at him. Tasuki's arms circling around Nuriko, pulling Nuriko closer.

_And I watch as Tasuki whisper something..._

Tears flowing down my face, I look at Kourin and search for some sort of confirmation. My little sister smiles and nods her head in reply. I throw my head back and laugh, I have been... So blind! And I always thought Tasuki was stupid but compared to what I have done, I was stupider than him...

_Everything I was looking for was right in front of me_

I look at Kourin- her smile, sad. She wipes the tears around my face and kisses my head and say, 1"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone."

_And to me her words mean everything I feel that single moment_

_a/n: Again sorry for leaving you guys hanging but that's the thrill of it isn't it? It's longer than the first two chappies right? Right?_

_1- I don't own this line. This is owned by Harriet Beecher Stowe._


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